[11-Part Series | Chapter 05] We Can Talk About Appetite and Sleep. Why Is “I Want to Be Desired” So Hard to Say?

There is something curious about desire.

A woman can say, “I ate two pieces of cake yesterday,” and friends may laugh. She can say, “I slept twelve hours,” and someone may tease her for oversleeping.

But say, “Yesterday I really wanted a man to desire me,” and suddenly the atmosphere changes.

Why?

The feeling comes from the same human body and mind, yet sexual desire is more easily tied to morality and character. Women in particular may turn phrases against themselves: “I shouldn’t think like this.” “At my age?” “But I’m a wife.” “But I’m a mother.”

Yet having a desire and deciding what to do with it are different questions.

Wanting something does not reduce your worth. Perhaps you can begin simply by allowing yourself to say, “There is something I want right now.”

Sexual concerns can be difficult to raise even in medical settings. If this feels hard to talk about, you are certainly not the only one.