Reaching Your Forties and Suddenly Thinking, "Perhaps I Wanted to Experience More Sex"
It is not that I dislike the life I have now.
I have worked. I have earned my own money, and the things I can choose for myself have grown. I have visited places I wanted to see and gradually acquired things I wanted.
I have friends. I do not particularly mind spending time on my own, either.
Looking back, I think I have lived my life in my own way.
So if someone asked, "Are you content with your life now?" my answer would probably be:
99 percent, more or less.
Not 100 percent. But I do not want to change my life for that remaining one percent, either.
Only sometimes, just a little, something crosses my mind.
01 / AFTERWARD
Romance and sex kept coming later
When we were younger, there were other things to do.
Some of us were studying. Some were absorbed in work. Some got married. Some raised children.
We might have gone abroad, earned qualifications, or taken on greater responsibility at work. For some, there were simply things more interesting than romance.
So there is nothing surprising about not having actively pursued romance or sex.
"Perhaps it does not have to be now."
It may not have been a matter of dislike or fear. Perhaps that was simply how you felt.
And "It does not have to be now" can last surprisingly long.
Before you know it, you are in your thirties, then your forties. Life continues as usual.
You go to work, see your friends, and spend your days off doing things you enjoy. There is no particular problem.
So there was no need to think about it very deeply.
02 / A SMALL FEELING
Sometimes, someone else's life makes me a little envious
Sometimes you feel a little envious when you see someone enjoying a romantic relationship.
A friend traveling with her partner. Someone being cherished. Someone talking about a man she likes.
Seeing them, there may be a moment when you wonder, "Did I want to experience time like that, too?"
That is not a rejection of your own life. Nor does it mean you want to become that person.
You simply find yourself wanting
a small glimpse of a life you did not choose.
Perhaps that is closer to the feeling.
03 / INTIMACY
Perhaps I do not know very much about sex, either
As you think about romance, you may realize something a little more specific.
"Perhaps I know less about sex than I thought."
It is not simply a question of how many experiences you have had.
Sharing physical touch with a man.
Being held.
What kind of man attracts you.
What kind of closeness you enjoy.
What kind of treatment makes you happy.
What your own sexual desires are like.
You thought you knew, but perhaps you do not know yourself very well in this respect.
Perhaps
I wanted to experience more sex.
04 / DESIRE
It cannot be explained simply by saying, "My sex drive increased in my forties"
Thinking more about sex in your forties does not mean you have to conclude that your sex drive has simply become stronger.
Sexual desire is not determined by the body alone.
Work. Relationships. Your relationship with a partner. Your living circumstances. Your physical and emotional condition. And the way you feel about yourself.
Many things overlap.
So you do not have to force an explanation for the feeling, "For some reason, I have been thinking about sex lately."
Perhaps it is sexual desire.
Perhaps it is a longing for excitement.
Perhaps you want to know more about sex.
Perhaps a little of all of those feelings is mixed together.
You do not have to rush to give your feelings a single name.
05 / NO REGRETS REQUIRED
I do not want to rewrite the past
You do not have to blame your past self by thinking, "I should have had more romantic experiences."
Back then, you had the life you had. The work you had. The things you wanted to give your attention to.
And living through that time made you who you are now.
If you like the life you have now, that is enough.
You are not necessarily trying to change your life or recover your youth. There is no need to decide that something was missing.
Within this life you have chosen for yourself,
there are still things you have not chosen.
Perhaps you have only now become a little curious about them. That can be all it means.
06 / IT CAN BE SIMPLE
It is enough to think, "I would like to experience sex"
When we think about sexual desire, we sometimes search too hard for reasons.
Is it loneliness? A problem in the marriage? Menopause? A wish to be recognized as a woman?
Of course, those explanations may fit some people.
But it can also be simpler.
I would like to experience sex.
Perhaps that is all.
You want to share physical touch with a man, to experience greater intimacy, or to discover how you might feel.
You do not have to reject the part of yourself that wants those things.
07 / NO ANSWER YET
If I had sex, would something change?
If you actually experienced it, you might feel more fulfilled than you imagined.
You might think, "It was more ordinary than I expected." You might want to experience it again, or decide once was enough.
You might feel something you had never anticipated.
Any of those responses is fine.
You do not have to make sex responsible for changing your life.
Nor do you have to decide on the answer beforehand.
Wanting an experience and needing it to produce a dramatic change are two different things.
THE UNNAMED ONE PERCENT
The 99% can stay as it is.
You do not have to disrupt your life, reject your past choices, or compare yourself with anyone else.
Nor do you have to think of the remaining one percent as something deficient.
It is one percent you have not yet named.
Perhaps it is romance. Perhaps excitement. Perhaps intimacy. Perhaps sexual desire.
Or perhaps it is simply, "I would like to experience more sex."
You have become a little curious about something you did not choose before. That is not necessarily regret about the past.
It may simply mean that your future self now has one more option.
If you find yourself thinking, "I would like to experience sex," you do not have to deny that feeling.
That is how OPUS sees it.
